Pursuing praxis

I think the word ‘fear’ is a bit strong for what I’m thinking of. ‘Irrational or unexplainable discomfort’ is probably closer to the truth. Someone recently asked me what I was afraid of. I couldn’t think of anything that didn’t count as a random disaster. He then proceeded to enumerate multiple inexplicable discomforts of mine. Now, I won’t immediately concede that all of these count as inexplicable, irrational, or based on fear. But I think they all merit examination. My list:

Unannounced wildlife in my personal space, surrendering physical control (driving, being carried), getting wet, crowds, loud and/or sudden noises, emotional demonstrativity, flouting certain social taboos, pdas, things that go bump in the night, big empty houses at night, faraway explosions, scary movies.

This differs from the list of things that I decline to accept, or accept but avoid, but am not afraid of. I don’t find being uncomfortable with something sufficient to call it a fear. I think there are legitimate discomforts, especially (perhaps only) if you know exactly why they make you uncomfortable, and why it’s ok that they do. When push comes to shove, though, you can stand a discomfort without it causing you significant or lasting emotional strain.

The potential irrationality - let’s just call it apparent inconsistency at this point - emerges best when the above list is compared with the following list: I’m not afraid of:

Critters in jars, dead animals, expected wildlife, even if it’s on me or very close, which includes various selections of spiders, insects, snakes and reptiles, mammals, birds, worms, and other invertebrates. I’ve got no problem holding snakes, petting tarantulas, catching giant toads, holding banana slugs (seems silly to say ‘catch a slug’ - it’s like chasing a sloth). Etc. I’ve been skydiving and thoroughly enjoyed it. I like high speeds and hard turns, even when I’m not driving. I like dancing with a partner who’s a very strong leader. I’m good at navigating crowds and getting what I’m after faster than expected. I’m very good in urgent situations, and even when I dream about them, there’s no shot of adrenaline. Just cold, hard thought. I’m not afraid of getting hurt,

I could go on. I’m tired of thinking up particulars to defend myself. I’m not very interested in defending myself point by point. I’m after… (guess what) … principles. Underlying, controlling variables.

And, on a side note, as I’ve formulated it recently: my pride isn’t dependent on things or people or opinions outside myself. So I’ll explore and explain in order to identify and evaluate, and not worry about the content of others’ minds, which you can’t control (really) anyway.

Now for the analysis. My brain is chugging away. Back later.